To try and put a slight dent in my debt to you all, I have a few encounters with bodily fluids that may cheer you up.
1. Attack of the Pee
As I believe I've mentioned before, my school teaches kids anywhere from Korean age 4 (2 or 3) to 15 (13-14). The youngest class is just BABIES. Like, infants.
One of the girls gets picked up from school in a stroller.
Anyways, towards the beginning of the new school year (March), one of these infants was having some trouble using the bathroom.
As in, she forgot it was a thing and just went in her pants on the reg.
One day she did it three times.
THREE. TIMES. In one day.
Just sayin'.
Before that had happened and we knew to watch out for Old Faithful, she was crying for some unknown reason and Anna, one of our teachers, was comforting her on her lap.
And then....
She let loose.
And peed ALL over Anna's leg, soaking her pants and the desk chair she was sitting in.
We all thought it was much funnier than Anna did.
2. Teacha Die!
Remember that time I blogged about how freaked out I was when one of my students got a nosebleed?
Times that by about a trillion and you've got the reaction of my class when I spontaneously started bleeding from the face.
3. Revenge of the Poop
This is possibly the most horrifying moment of my entire life.
As a general rule, the kids in my class can't just get up and run to the bathroom whenever they want. We always go at the top of the hour, before lunch, after lunch... We go to the bathroom ALL the time, they can hold it for 20 minutes (they're much older than the previously mentioned student).
But, if they're panicking and jumping around clutching their groin for dear life I'll let them go.
One kid, who is usually really good about controlling himself when it comes to the bathroom, walks over to my desk very calmly, taps my shoulder, and says in a whisper, "Teacha. Bathroom. Now. Oh my gosh bathroom."
Uh... Okay?
So, I let him go, and think it's weird but move on with my life and helping everyone else unravel the mysteries of the letter K.
About 10 minutes later, I send another kid to the bathroom to see what's going on with Scott, who has yet to return.
15 seconds later I hear a shrill "OH MY GOD! MANY MANY!!!!" And the scampering pitter-patter of the messenger's feet back down the hall.
He dramatically bursts into the room and says, "Teacha! Scott, bathroom, MANY MANY! Many many bathroom, Teacha!!"
Which, of course makes little to no sense.
He relays this to the other students in Korean, and I distinctly hear the word "dong" like 16 times.
"Dong", if you were wondering, is Korean for poo.
The kids all immediately start screaming and run for the bathroom to get a look at this "many many dong" situation.
I follow, and herd them out, only to see the most revolting sight of my life.
Many.
Many.
Dong.
In the toilet, on the seat, on the floor, on the wall, on toilet paper in each of the aforementioned locations...
I gagged. I literally gagged and was half a breath away from making the mess that much grosser by vomiting everywhere.
I manage to pull it together and shepherd the poop geyser Scott out of the destroyed stall, and tell him to pull up his pants.
That's when it gets truly awful.
He says, "Teacha no. Me dirty!"
He proceeds to hand me a wad of toiler paper, turn around and bend over.
AS. IF.
Panic ensues, and I run out of the bathroom and find an Angel Teacher, one of the Korean helper staff who are more used to this sort of thing.
They also don't really speak English.
"Angel Teacher! Help?"
Blank stare that I take to be a semi-hostile, "what?"
"Scott, bathroom, dong!"
At the word "dong" she steps into the nearest classroom and shuts the door in my face.
This happened three times before one of the Angel Teachers took pity on me and helped with the poop-tastrophe.
Now, whenever Scott needs to go to the bathroom, I let him go right away.
PS. Never, ever try to find a Google Image suitable for this portion of the post.
No comments:
Post a Comment